Do you ever have those moments where something you have heard one hundred times hits you in a totally different way? I had one of those moments this summer. My husband and I lead the student ministry at 3Circle Church and over the summer we always take a group of students to summer camp. This past summer was no different. We packed sweaty high schoolers and middle schoolers into two star hotel rooms and stayed in outdated meeting spaces to encounter Jesus. This has been my routine for ten years now. I don’t even know how I am old enough for that to be possible.
For seven out of those ten years I was on the front lines of everything in student ministry. I saw God move in incredible ways. I had late night conversations with teenagers, jumped to the beat of worship songs like I was thirteen again and spent hours in the summer sun killing it in the beach volleyball competition or whatever competition met my impending doom (because all I do is win).
In May of 2015 I became a mom. I drug my three month old to summer camp that year. This year, however, something changed. I was restricted in what I could do FOR GOD. To be honest, I felt less valuable in the kingdom of God because I could not offer what I once could to Him, for Him. I wish I could say this was short lived. But, exactly thirteen months and two weeks after giving birth to my beautiful baby boy, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl (yes it’s possible, friends). We went to camp early that year because I was due in late June and I couldn’t bare the thought of missing camp. So I loaded up my then one year old and my nine-month pregnant self and went to camp. This, and other trips (including an overseas mission trip to Costa Rica with a two year old and a one year old) became my routine. Within two years, I had two babies, sold two houses, and lost my dear, sweet Dad, and white knuckled my way through it all. I had gone from what felt like the front lines of ministry to being very much behind the scenes. Those were some hard & weird transition years for me. I had become addicted to “doing” and this season handcuffed me from “doing”. I would say almost everyday over the course of these years I wrestled with my role as a wife, mom, and ministry leader, never really feeling like I could give enough to any one role I was supposed to be playing. You feel me?
Then, this past summer as I sat in an auditorium with some of my favorite teenagers on the planet, kids in tow of course, and one of the communicators said these words, “God sees you, He knows you, and He delights in you”. I have heard these words approximately one million times in my life but on this day it hit me different. Truth is, I was tired. These words hit me like sun after winter months. I know that sounds cheesy, but for real. God SEES you. God KNOWS you. God DELIGHTS in you.
I had come to realize in that moment (and many more over the next few months) that God sees me. He sees me when I am folding laundry, cooking dinner, when I am writing a teaching, or when I am leading summer camp. He knows me. He knows that I desire to DO. He knows that I could not pause on my own. He had to help me. He loves me. Whether I am changing the world or changing a diaper, His love for me does not change. I can’t earn it, no matter how much I try. It was like a breath of fresh air and freedom right there in that summer camp room. I am settling into this space and I like it. I am enjoying the tension of relying on God on the daily to define my role in all of these spaces, and it feels good.
Are you a momma of a newborn wondering what happened to your old self? He knows you, He sees you and He delights in you.
College freshman looking for your place to belong? He knows you, He sees you and He delights in you.
Junior in high school and feeling left out again? He knows you, He sees you and He delights in you.
Young professional, fighting tooth-and-nail to make a name for yourself? He knows you, He sees you and He delights in you.
Widow, fighting the lonely days, one moment at a time? He knows you, He sees you and He delights in you.
To all my friends out there struggling with the season you are in: God knows you, He sees you and He delights in you. He is doing a great work in you that is far greater than the work you could do for yourself. Rest in that today and eat yourself some ice cream.
“If you're not done working, God, I’m not done waiting.” Seasons by Hillsong
