So, I recently read a book where a woman walked through phrases she is learning to say. One of those phrases is “no” and the other is “yes”. I loved the breakdown of this in her story; basically, you learn to say “no” to some things in order to say “yes” to good things. Basic principle, right?
If you are anything like me, you struggle with the word “no”. As a believer I wrestle with being “all things to all people” and as a type 1 (probably wing 9) on the enneagram, I want to do everything right and make everyone happy - and I grew up in the south (Jesus, come quick!). It’s bad at times; You put a cute kid on my doorstep selling anything short of drugs and I’ll buy it!
We like to say “yes”. People like us when we say “yes”. But if you are like me, you know that a cheap “yes” leaves you annoyed, burned out, and over extended.
I am learning to love the power of the word “no”. I have a friend, a very wise friend, who has no trouble with the word. I greatly admire her for this attribute. You might think this is weird because who wants someone to say “no” to them? Who wants to put an invite out there and have someone say “no”? Our 11th grade-self, afraid of a prom date rejection, comes out in all its glory.
I recently helped host a wedding shower for a dear former student of ours and my wise friend got an invite. It was one of those cute little digital invites because who wants to pay for postage these days? My friend simply clicked the “no” button. Now several people responded “no” but they all gave their laundry list of reasons why they couldn't come. Explaining their way out of guilt or covering all their southern hospitality basics (I am not hating here - I am you, I feel you). Not my friend, though. She just simply said “no”.
Here is why I love this: Her ability to unaplogicicatly say “no” gives her “yes” so much power. Because I know that she can say “no” I know that when she says “yes”, she is all in. Her “yes”, really means yes. Not “yes” out of guilt or obligation, but because she has carefully considered the options, her ability to fulfill them, and her responsibility in these options. I WANT TO BE THIS. There is something that feels so right about it. If we never say “no” can we fully trust our “yes”? Maybe that is what Jesus meant when he said, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37.
So, I am working on obeying this rule for my life. I am working on eliminating the things in my life that I have said “yes” to not out of conviction but out of obligation or guilt. What am I called to do today? What is important to God today? What brings joy into my life? I want that to drive my “yes”. And when I say “yes”, I want to mean it. I promise if you give me a “no” I will applaud you, respect you and hope you want to be my friend. Cheers.
By saying “no” here is what I hope to say “yes” to:
Morning quiet time in my favorite chair, with my favorite blanket.
Cupid shuffle at weddings. (“church clap” can also be substituted here)
Coffee (hot in the morning, cold in the afternoon - no battle)
Coffee with TC
Date night with TC
“5 more minutes” before nap time when my kids ask
Fire pits on cool nights
Paddle boarding
A sunrise run
A pool invite
Guacamole and homemade salsa
Feedback
Church on Sunday. Small group on Thursday.
Good friends, like the really good ones
Showing up when it matters
The Proposal, Field of Dreams, Remember the Titans, Elizabethtown
“Can I sit in your lap, mommy?”
"Mommy, can I hold your hand?"
Spellcheck
Donald Miller books
Comfy clothes
Eno time
Former students weddings (we are in this phase, y’all, and it’s beautiful)
Letting my mom help me
Things I have been nudged, called, or whatever you want to call it… basically whatever God is stirring in my heart and mind, I really, really want to say “yes”
What merits your “yes”?
